Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
THAT WAS PROBABLY MY ONE CHANCE TO SLEEP WITH A MAN NAMED BORIS AND YOU RUINED IT.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
We have a lot of substance abuse to do tomorrow its sleep time
He told me he was gonna go wash a trailer and somehow I ended up eating vodka fruit with children in a green bean field.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
