I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
You can't motorboat a personality
we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
she starting giving me head in the taxi..the driver told her to stop..she looked up, said "I'm the birthday girl", and kept on doing what she was doing.
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
Randomize
