come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
New policy: when a woman uses the word blowjob in a sentence within 5 minutes of meeting her, you buy her a drink.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
So getting drunk in honor of the bomb threat is legit right?
he told me it was like eating gods vagina.
You were dancing with a coffee pot of rum in one hand and a joint in the other. So that should explain everything.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
Randomize
