The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
it was like his penis was on wheels.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
if you are still a virgin by winter break we are throwing an aztec themed sacrifice the virgin party
Why would I send you a picture of it when I could just steal the gnome and put it in your bed with you? Admit it, he looks just like gnomeo!
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
If youre worried about being stabbed, you probably shouldnt be there.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
Randomize
