She knew it was going down when I had her search for "condoms" in my iPhone Maps.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Got hereat 8. Had 6 beers 2 shots and a game of diZZY BATOS
I definitely paid for a case and a fifth and all I got was 6 beers and a crown and coke. Wtf. Bar math sucks
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
It could be worse. I was dumped by a guy in a kilt after he gave my shoes away on St. Patrick's Day.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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