I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
Oh. Thats cool. Im not dating anyone right now. Sean gave me chlamydia from some GUY he fooled around with. Im being abstinent.
She's a freak. I've got the scars to prove it.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
sooo... you have no idea who nailed their tubesocks to my wall?
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
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