I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
He's being awfully beer snobby for a guy who ordered salad
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
That was my first party and they were so suprised that this little freshman girl was a FUCKING BEER PONG QUEEN.
Change of plans & whoring it up tonight
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Dude, I just masturbated with my cat sleeping on my boobs....
You have GOT to get this crazy cat lady thing under control. I'm finding you a man. And you'll take him, and thank me. After that text, you have no right to be picky.
Randomize