I just took a dump by candlelight. I feel like a pilgrim.
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
Cool. I might be making a sickly but incredibly well dressed wine drunk appearance in a couple hours
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
Randomize
