I like how you formally end text interactions, just turn your phone off or don't respond you pervert
I judge my drunkenness on my brickbreaker playing skills. I'm winning. Suck it.
She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
I walked into the bathroom and the toilet was on fire... I stood there for like a minute trying to decide whether I should put it out or get my camera.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
Is it bad if one of my goals right now is to snort blow through a licorice?
Don't answer that. It is bad.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
You were drink-wine-from-the-bottle drunk trying to take everybody's blood pressures again.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
WHAT IS MY LIFE THAT THE ONLY PERSON INTERESTED IN FUCKING ME IS MY 6TH GRADE MATH TEACHER
Blame the bisexuality and move on?
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
Randomize