it's not the walk of shame if you do it in cowboy boots.
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
it's not a party till someone uses the fire extinguisher.
Also pencil in smooth jazz and illegal activities. The usual.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
If me getting shot doesn't get me pussy I am officially gay
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
It is clearly not my fault that you decided studying was more important than trying to bang our hot teacher for an A, so I seized the opportunity.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I yelled "NO FLEX ZONE!!!" at the guy that thinks it's cool to take off his shirt at the party then proceeded to puking
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
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