her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I called my mom while I was blackout drunk, and told her I was drunk, safe, and happy. But really, I was just drunk.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I lost a shoe at the club last night, I think that's when I decided to go home.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
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