Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
It'd be easier to list the surfaces my ass hasn't been on.
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
i'm sitting in bed scratching my boobs and wearing a sparkly fedora and have no one to blame but myself
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Our sex sesh was interrupted by a bunch of hobos fighting outside his apartment.
Randomize
