We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
Its like the long john silvers of colleges, I wouldnt even go there to use the bathroom
Do you think it would be a good idea to mention in my admissions essay that I was the guy that streaked across the soccer field last year?
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
I think he is probably a psycho that will eventually murder me but i mean the sex last time was AWESOME.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize
