I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
I'm on the bus, watching a girl shush her balloons.
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Randomize