and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
a girl is trying to cook hot pockets in a saute pan on the stove.
I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
I got propositioned while wearing the bottom half of a horse costume. It's like god is apologizing to me in the strangest of ways.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
She kept telling me that it pissed her off that i expect people to make out with me...then she made out with me. Win?
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