I'd be more interested in girls if they were more interested in anal.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
Dude just bought the table 3 bottles of champaign and broke one on the floor as his "signature" and he makes me want this recession hit harder
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I can hear my family downstairs singing Christmas carols as I masturbate
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
Randomize
