after we had sex last night he told me he smelled like my vagina. and then he said that if his roommate had a vagina he would probably smell like it. because "they hug weird and shit."
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
He kept saying it was because he was allergic to the chicken. Then he threw up on my mom.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
I came home to my brother stoned out of his mind. He got a high score on COD and asked me to have a celebration yogurt with him.
I think I hit my head on every surface in that apartment last night
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
