I will one day have loud vengeance sex as my revenge against you. Until then I'm just going to sit in the living room playing John Mayer while you're trying to do it.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
i just saw some one pass a baby through the drive-thru window at dairy queen.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Woke up, bank account is empty. Sock is still full of blood. Nothing in my pockets but a wireless mic and jenga pieces.
Randomize
