Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
I think she just stepped in a piece of mac and cheese, picked it off the bottom of her foot and ate it.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I spent most of the stoned conversation with my dad proving to him that the Newfoundland is an actual dog and NOT a Snuffaluffagus-esque figment of my stoned imagination, while laughing over the fact there is actually a place caller Dildo, Canada. Have YOU taken time to be a good dad today?
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
