my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
They let you pick the name that they announce for you at graduation. The professional world needs to prepare itself for papa smurf mcdonald.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
I had a face to face conversation with her vagina, asking it not to make me look bad.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
It's always nice when a total stranger hates your ex just as much as you think they should.
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
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