I just pynch a tree in the face
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
for me the strap perfect is like a chastity belt
I can't really talk right now. I'm getting on a plane to Oregon to go give a guy a bj. I'll see you in three days.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
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