I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
There was no way out of it, seeing as I left my photo ID right next to the vomit.
my greatest accomplishment from the city of diplomacy is that i puked at a table of 5 diplomats and my professor and NONE OF THEM NOTICED
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
Also food confession I ate an entire bag of starburst jelly beans today. and a plan B. All around think I hit all my nutrients
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
