Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
They have to be talking about me. I never heard that statement until I was born.
From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
Showerbowl immediately followed by pullups naked. I feel like fucking Tarzan
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
Randomize
