I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
you picked up the vacuum cleaner at one point and said you we gonna beat the shit out of me with it. that was kinda funny
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
S.O.S. he's talking about horses and breast feeding.
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
Dude you chased a girl around the yard and then fell over the curb. Face first. You got up on your own tho so you reached champion status
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I'm done being drunk I wish I could snap my fingers and be sober
His fucking flight got canceled because the president stopped at the airport he was flying out of... Fuckin Obama literally just cock blocked me
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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