would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
fine. I googled it. you have to eat 5 to die so apparently I'm in the clear.
Writing apology letters and leaving them on peoples doors for your actions is NOT what I want to be doing at 6am.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Thanks to that wedding, I got to use the term "finger bang" more than I have since high school.
Is there a polite/non-lush way to ask how alcohol ranks on their list of priorities? Because like idk how to break the ice furreal.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
So I was at my annual OBGYN appointment and when she saw the bruises on the inside of my thigh she asked if I had been horse back riding...I think my burst of laughter then awkward silence answered the question for me.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize
