I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I think I'm the only sober person in the whole bar. If you count drinking less than 10 tequilas sober.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
Doing bumps while the kids play upstairs. #bestnannyever
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
The groom's brother was an accomplishment. Then I remembered he was also the officiant. Check and check.
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
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