I like my sex mixed with concussions.
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
Even if he doesn't call, at least I can say i fucked a mascot.
Does puking on your bio final mean I can retake it?
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
There was a reason God said "Let there be titties" on the Fifth Day.
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
