If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
Dear male population: sorry for being such a dick tease but thanks for paying for my bar tab and drunk food
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
OMFG I JUST SEARCHED DILDO ON THE WORK SHARED AMAZON ACCOUNT!!!!!
Randomize
