there is a polo shirt epidemic at this bar. also, im pretty sure i just saw the grown-up coppertone baby
judging by her collection of mens sweaters, shes fucked the entire lands end catalog.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
candyland with pharmaceuticals ... what could go wrong
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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