My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
singing james blunt while drunk. tell me thats not wonderful
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
I mean we're not committed. He's my first choice, sort of like miller lite. When I'm at the bar I'm going to order one, but if they don't maybe I'll go for a bud or blue moon. I'm certainly not going to stop drinking
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
And on the seventh day, God carefully sculpted your cock to fit perfectly into my masterpiece of a vagina. Then he rested. Look it up.
There's jack Daniels coming out of my eyes instead of tears.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He took initiative. Dragged me into the kitchen and did me on the stove....while it was on! And then we made nachos.
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
Randomize
