all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
So I'm guessing that puking on a camper is a straight path to instant termination?
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
