how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
