So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
My vagina is officially offended.
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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