I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Can't imagine what could be worse than pet-naming your penis, but I'll let it go.
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Yeah haha but we have no idea where his keys are. Last night was awful. Him and Chancey were in a fully embraced bro hug at one point. Both crying.
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
Like real life can suck my metaphorical dick right now.
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I hope. Last year I got lost in New Orleans and some guy named Cookie walked me home while I cried.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
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