You remember that guy Joey? The pastors son that plays Jesus every year?
Yeah?
Stuck it in his pooper.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
The kids I taught this morning even knew i was drunk. One of them even said, and I quote, "You smell like my dad after he goes bowling."
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
3 things. 1. is this real life 2. my liver hates me 3. keg race tonight
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
Climbing out Mr. Friday night's bathroom window. He thinks I'm puking. Be on state st. with the getaway car and if you could bring me a shirt and some advil that'd be dandy.
So proud. See you in five. I've got coffee.
That's awesome and prob the first time you had an idea of what to do. I'm super proud of you Chelz
Its cos im stoned ! My high self is maturing
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Do you ever look at someone's Snapchat story and think ‘you told me you would eat my ass’?
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Do you have any idea how awkward it was to type ‘dog twerking’ into google search? Because I don’t think you do.
Randomize
