When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Im in Ft Meyers right now looking right at an alligator. I have had a couple of beers and people are telling me not to feed him but Im gonna do it anyway.
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
showering high made me realize that i should seriously reconsider my career path... id be a damn good hair shampooer & head massager
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
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