Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
By the way, she says hi. At least I think she did since she licked my phone
I need to make a new year's resolution to only pee in toilets. And it needs to start happening before the new year.
BTW rolling him off the couch and onto that tarp was pure genius. He definitely pissed himself last night.
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
How does she have a hairless cat and a husband it's not fair. Both are hard to come by
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
Tonight I celebrated marriage equality by letting a girl I don't know kiss me at the club.
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
