My balls are so social today.
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
Listening to Whitney Houston sing the National Anthem while I shit before going out tonight. America.
I had him autograph the condom wrapper.
I CAME HOME WITH MY NIPPLES PEIRCED! WE WERE CAMPING. IN THE MOUNTIANS. I DONT EVEN REMEMBER IT AT ALL.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
She just took a mirror selfie at the hospital while in labor.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
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