did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
after that, he'll be sure to remember me. i'll probably forget him, but that's the way it should be.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
No longer is one of my lifelong dreams to ride in a kangaroo pouch. You have eternally ruined that for me. Thank you.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
Puked in the trash can. Took a bite of someone's breadstick and kept dancing and drinking
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
