I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
I ahte it when I peed a little on my shews. I got a litll bit on the automen in your room too.:/
Tracy!! I don't have an ottoman in my room.
Ohhh....do you have a dog shaped liek un automan?
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
Dorm room. In. Elevator. Fell in. Boom. Puke
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Did you clean my apartment?
I thought it was a dream, I'm sorry
Please stay more often
Randomize
