If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
So i banged this chick from Peru last night. Needless to say, I'm having chipotle for lunch todayas a south American reward to honor her.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
And think got sick again from going outside naked. Word to all females...don't try the naked trench coat thing.
I give up. I can't handle that class sober any longer. I have an army of whiskey shooters for the next three weeks. Wish me luck.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
Randomize