i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
It's like you're a magic genie of bad timing
Thats not what we're looking for. I want this kid to suck a lolly pop out of a stripper's snatch.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
the cops accepted 42 wallaby way Sydney. and the cops, and cab driver accepted the new address. please tell the win i am experiencing
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
Randomize
