I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
just saw someone in just a bathrobe not even tied shut run to the bathroom with a facefull of cum. Someone had a good night
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
He asked me if I wanted to play "Edouard Mandevan," turns out that's French for Edward Winehands
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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