Dude, my boy c***** and I hooked up with Asian sisters last night in the same room
Then I put on blue by Eiffel 65 and security showed up and yelled at us for being too loud. Also, they stopped fucking because no one can fuck to eiffel 65
I think i sorta joined a cult last night
Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
Is it bad that my only regret is fucking on the bathroom floor and not the sink?
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Never again will I go to my mom's side of the family's parties. After the bride and groom cut the head off the roasted pig together they boarded their RV and rode off into the sunset.
Randomize
