It's just like the Real World with babies
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I was just doing the math on how much beer we need for the houseboat. in doing so, I came to the conclusion that we need to open a beer distributor business.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You know what...ii have the turtles...were together....i love these god damn turtles...
jump out the window naked night went bad
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
