Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
My history teacher just took his shirt off cuz the classroom was to hot. And then he invited us all to join him.
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
Well you busted in the house and yelled with pride about Uber giving you a ride over with your new bong.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
