Yeah. I woke up naked in his bed this morning and remember saying "Get a condom cuz I can't afford an abortion right now" last night. He didn't run. He's a keeper
even my worst enemy doesn't deserve a bush like that
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I've been deciding between brands of bagels for 20 minutes. This why I doint smoke weed.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
May or may not be going home with my jamitor. i'm kiddong, btw, i have no idea. i'll let you know soooon.
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
I didn't want to see any of his nipples and now I've seen all three. Thanks.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
