i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
So I have $4.22 in my bank account, just wrote a check for a tooth brush from quikmart, and bought a 25 cent condom from the bathroom. i don't know whats more sad, my bank account or the fact that i'm entrusting my entire future to a condom machine that was probably last filled in 1970
$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I feel like I should limit myself to one meal prepared from a box per day
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
It's probably because the lack of alcohol in your stomach. Alcohol kills bacteria. I am a doctor. Trust me
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
Like, when both of your dads are drag queens you're bound to have some amazing Halloween makeup
Such a big mess for such a small penis
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Think he has a gf
Yea that shit doesn’t necessarily stop me
Randomize
