I just feng shui'd our living room furniture. You may be mad in the morning
this girl looks like the female version of brooke hogan
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
of course not. I do my best teaching on a hungover monday. I did the research. im still okay with the direction in which my life is headed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Keywords: shitstorm, police, jail.
Dude, you kicked in the door to get to a six-person orgy while yelling "I JUST WANT TO LEARN!!"
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
It finally happened my mom knowingly gave me money to buy drugs i knew this day would come\n
Randomize
