the young, male pastor of my church has a jesus fish tramp-stamp. I made him show me.
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I got into my dads silver toyota in the back seat to get picked up and 2 mins later I asked my dad when are we leaving, then an old mexican woman turned around. wrong toyota I'm guessing.
I dont even clean my room anymore .. i drunk proof it for when i come back smashed with a guy
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
My mom just gave me my fake back to buy her more wine.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
