Um....I woke up to a lipgloss covered bottle of Jack daniels in my arms..
You've kissed worse.
The guy in front of me in Sociology is definitely working on my farm in farmville. Never met him before. Do I thank him?
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
So, just in case you go to the bathroom in the middle of the night.. Sam is asleep in the first stall.
I might be the strongest willed bouncer ever. Earlier tonight a girl flashed me trying to get in. I just replied "Sorry I'm gay", she believed me and left.
I woke up wearing my panties and an eyelash, soo I'd say your birthday was a success.
it's ok my mom asked me why i had a guys shirt on and also why there was chocolate all over my bra
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
We don't have the same problems as normal people do we?
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Randomize
