So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
i cant believe i hit a parked car with a pink dildo in my mouth... fuckin epic
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
Stories of my weekends have cause divorces, are you sure you wanna hang out?
Tomorrow, you will get a text, and it will bE spelled right, that's me yo, certify ya soon
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I just gave a bum a ride back to his bench. Columbus is weird but I like it.
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
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