Your face is a jimmy john
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
We had sex to Hey Arnold, Rugrats, and All That. I feel like my life has come full circle.
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
I got confused. The music was loud, porn was playing, people were grinding, there were hand jobs.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
