after a month anything with tits is on the radar
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
You got a write up and a first aid award all in the same night. The don was impressed!
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
I dunno about you, but I consider getting eaten out on the porch of a houseboat in -30c in a bridesmaids dress a northern right of passage
Randomize