Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
she said I was laying next to a garbage can in the subway doing key bumps and screaming "its my fucking birthday" repeatedly
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
And by "hammer out the details" you know I mean spending 20 minutes on wedding plans then getting wine drunk, right?
So the keyword here is "hammered"?
Oh that's what I forgot last night.. To make out with her.
I just overheard this sorority girl saying "It's like trick or treting but for alcohol and with no costumes." I'm jealous.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
Who the fuck stole my fridge again
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
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