Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I'm far too poor to be letting my hookups wear my shirts home. I'm down to about a total of 8 shirts and have no intention of buying more
I'm going to target high, just in case I ask you where my paycheck went later
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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