He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
And I'd make him talk dirty to me. In Forrest Gump's voice.
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just got dumped by my fuck buddy. Now I have to have sex with my husband.
Randomize
