I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
I can always tell I missed tequila night based on the hickeys on your neck man. Fucking call me.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
I opened my eyes this morning, looked at the sunlight and made this hangover my bitch.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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