Three questions. How does a tomato drive a car, how does an asparagus play a guitar, and how am I still so high that I chose to watch Veggie Tales?
a creepy fucking ass man came up and started raven cawwing in my ear... he said it was the raven mating call. i am officially freaked out
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
You've slept with me you know how lazy I am in bed.
We will have to go big on the 4th! Nothing says independence like the impending doom of an ankle monitor
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
somehow this went from sexting to explaining my eating disorder.
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Really this has to stop, if they get any younger we will be breaking the law
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
Randomize
