Thank God for loud music. There is a circus in my butt right now.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
That would be an interesting position... Not entirely certain how that'd work!
Gravity is no match for my libido
You know what's even more awkward then buying plan b from someone who is a member at the gym you work at... When they come in after that day and have that look of recognition
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
sooo trippy being back in town after 5 years. if you had asked me in high school who would be future coke heads, i would have been way off
Do they still have sex clubs in San Francisco? Because that'd be an interesting way to spend Easter.
Of course I fucked her, her man stole my bike when we were kids
Randomize
