i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
My dick looks like crazy bread
pics are now mandatory
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Have you ever thrown up in the middle of your hair appointment? Cause I have..
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Randomize
