I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
i should have probably stopped drinking when my beer pong shots were hitting the other team in the face..
yeah thats usually a good indication.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
I've decided to take one for the team and bang the landlady for lower rent.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
why the hell are you crying over taco bell?
Randomize
