Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
well I was pissed. first he yelled at me for having my own condoms, then he got mad when they didn't fit him. Dude, I only fuck magnum men.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
Have you ever looked death in the face and have the urge to shit yourself. I'm in that situation right now.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Randomize
