Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
Randomize