..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
It was kind of like a train wreck, except alcohol would have improved the situation greatly.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
No. I heard a cover of "my heart will go on". This is not sanity.
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Sorry. I was preoccupied thinking about penises
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