Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
I just took a shit in a BP station. It seemed appropriate since they are shtting in our ocean.
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
Why did I just find out you and Andrew had sex right next to my face when I passed out on the beach?
At the time it seemed romantic and its also extremely frowned down upon to leave a passed out person by themselves in an unfamiliar place.
Why did I wake up by myself then?
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
He has no idea he's waking up in slut palace tomorrow morning
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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