lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
I kept calling him escargot instead of Estaban..I don't think that was the wisest choice.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
Good morning! Just thought I'd give you my yearly reminder that we lost our virginities 7 years ago, yesterday.
That's the best creepy text ever.
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
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