What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
don't think this is any sort of attachment thing but if I'm going to throw up regularly at your house, I'm going to keep a tooth brush there
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
